


In Flagrante Delicto

by areeskimosreal



Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 08:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16572815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areeskimosreal/pseuds/areeskimosreal
Summary: John and Kayleigh get surprised at work.





	In Flagrante Delicto

"Oh god John, what if they tell ?”

“I'm pretty sure they won't “

“ What if they do though, could they sack us for it ?”

“ I dunno, honestly, I don't know, I don't think they could “

“ I'm mortified John , what will they think of me , of us , Jesus I'll have to resign, that's what I'll do , I'll resign “

“ Look we're a married couple, consenting adults if you like, what can they say ? It's not as if they would make a complaint or owt “

John thought for a minute then chuckled.

“ It's not funny John, I can't go back there, ever you know that don't you ? , I'll never be able to show my face “

“ Look you had clocked out hadn't you ?”

“ What ?”

“ Well you were in your own time, I wasn't paying you overtime, so no one can complain about you being there”

“ My being there is the least of my worries, !!”

“ Look it's not that bad “

“ Not that bad , not that bad, how can you say that ?”

“ Like I said we're a couple it's not as if one of us got caught with someone else , is it ? “

“ Oh that's alright then is it ?, I can imagine that conversation in the breakroom. caught bent over John's desk was she you say ? Yes but they're a couple so it's alright , yeah that's fine , more tea Elsie , I don't mind if I do”

“ You weren't bent over the desk , well not when they came in anyway “ he laughed.

“ Stop, John it's not bloody funny , I'm struggling with this “

“ They shouldn't have just walked into my office, they should have knocked first “John explained “ That's not allowed, that's against company protocol “

“ But having sex isn't ?”

“I'll phone head office and ask “ He looked at her and smiled .

“ Don't you bloody dare “

“ It's going to be interesting tomorrow ain't it ?”

“ I'm not going in ever , god John everybody will be giggling and making cheeky remarks, only place I'm going is the job centre”

“ You might be overreacting love, it'll blow over”

“ The gossip mongers will have a field day John “

“ Will do my reputation the world of good “

“ And what about mine eh ? “

“ It was like a scene from a Carry on movie, when they came in,”

“ Cagney and Lacey “ Kayleigh said suddenly putting her hands to her mouth.

“ Were they out John? “ I can't remember .

“ No you still had your shirt on , most of the buttons were undone mind you, but it was still on, as was your bra “

Kayleigh leaned forwards with her head in her hands,

“ How effing embarrassing, John getting caught like that, in your office of all places, and at our age “

“ Worse things happen you know? “

“ Did they see much of me , I mean did they see my bits ?”

“ Your bits ?”

“ You know, my lady bits “

“ No , just your lovely little bare arse probably , I don't know how high your skirt was “

“Round my waist that's how high , god almighty John I'll never live this down”

“ What about me eh !, poor gits must have gotten a right eyeful, at least you had your back to the door , I was facing it , sat in my chair, trolleys and kecks at me ankles, me tie being used as a gag and a half naked redhead bouncing in me lap, talk about fifty bloody shades “

“ I don't know how you talked me into it “

“ Me talk you into it ? “John said then sat mouth agog.

“ You grabbed me if I remember correctly Mr. Redmond “

“ Aye, after you flung your knickers on my desk”

“ I forgot about that “ she giggled. “ I was trying to get your attention, you were ignoring me Jonathan “

“ Well it certainly worked you got my full attention after that “

“ Oh, “ Kayleigh lifted her skirt and looked “ I've lost them, did you lift them ?”

“ What?”

“ My knickers, I got so flustered I forgot them, did you lift them ?”

“ Eh no I was a bit flustered me sell “

“ They were good an all, Ted Baker “

“ Someone's trophy now I bet “

“ Urgh John , that's gross.”

“ Just saying “

 

It took all John's persuasive powers , that and the promise of an underwear spending spree to get Kayleigh to work next day. But go she did.

“ Right ready ? “

“ No “

“ Tough we're here , remember try and laugh it off, don't slap anyone and keep away from Rachel, you know she winds you up”

“ I'll try “ said Kayleigh “ but no promises “

They walked into the breakroom together, as they walked towards the lockers they noticed a pair of knickers taped to the door of Kayleighs.

As she tore them off, she heard Diane say.

“ Isn't that the mans job to rip your knickers off Joyce?”

“ Yes but it's not the first time she's got her knickers down this week apparently “

“ I heard it was a performance appraisal “ quipped Pamela giggling.

“ These aren't mine , they're far too big, better check your laundry basket Diane, “ Kayleigh said , raising a chuckle from the rest of the room.

 

As they were early they headed upstairs to talk to Cath. John was called away to oversee a delivery.

“ Want a brew ?” asked Cath.

“ Yes ta “, said Kayleigh

As Cath sat drinking her brew with Kayleigh, both waiting for John to come back from the warehouse, Kayleigh noticed her looking at her and smiling.

“ Go on then “ Kayleigh said with a faint smile.

“ What?”

“ You're dying to ask Cath, so go ahead “

“ Well the rumour is that Simon and night shift security caught you and John, bollock naked“ hard at it “ on his desk, “ She air quoted the hard at it.

“ We got caught yes , but we were not on John's desk I can assure you, and were weren't naked, well not completely”

“ Shit Kayleigh, that's so embarrassing “

“ Oh you think ?”

“ Brian and I used the table in the conference room , bloody uncomfortable though, wouldn't recommend it , although the bed in the first aid room is really good “

“ Eh ?”

“ Didn't think you were the first did you ?”

“ Cath I'm shocked” Kayleigh smiled.

“ I've got a libido too you know, just like you”

“ We were in the chair , John was sitting , you get the picture ?”

“ The chair ?, really , wow that's different , haven't tried that “

“ Tried what ?” said John as he entered the office

“ Sex in a chair “ Cath answered matter of factly

“ You should” said John “ it's fun “

“ Anyway you two “ said Cath. “ The arseclown wants to see you at 9.30 , seems some kiss arse told him the rumour, he's not best pleased “

 

They walked together to the shop floor, there were a few “way heys” and winks, and mostly good natured banter.

“ Here they are “ Elsie proclaimed “ Annie Oakley and Shergar , how you doing “

“ Who ?” asked Kayleigh looking at John.

“ I'll explain later, go get organised, I'll see you at Dave's office at half past ok.”

“ Ok ,Bye “

 

They had been sitting outside Dave's office for 10 mins.

“ It's a management ploy” John explained.

“ Make them wait, unsettle them, let me sort this love okay ? “ he squeezed her hand.

“ Okay John “

“ Come in “ Dave shouted.

“ Game on “ John said. Kayleigh could swear he was smiling .

“ Right I won't beat about the bush, I'm hearing rumours of sexual impropriety on these premises, what have you got to say ?”

John turned to Kayleigh and winked.

“ I had hoped you wouldn't hear Dave, but you know how people are, I tried to stop them but folks are folks eh ?”

“ So you know what I'm on about do you ? “

“ Yes, the security cam footage of you and Rachel going into the disabled bogs for 40 mins.  
I tried to squash the rumors Dave but people see evil in everything nowadays . I mean what if Mary was to hear, or God forbid, someone sent her a copy of the footage , you know I've got your back Dave but what can I do ?, so far I've managed to keep a lid on it , but I don't know how long I can keep doing it for “

John knew Dave was fuming. But he also knew he could do nothing about it.

“You do know what I mean Dave don't you ?”

“ Oh I know exactly what you mean John , exactly “

“ Good, we're men of the world Dave, Not everybody out there is. So if that's all then ? “

“ Yes “ Dave said through gritted teeth. “ That's all for now”

“ Good, let's go Kayleigh, Dave has nothing else to say “

 

As they walked down the corridor Kayleigh pulled on his sleeve John turned and smiled.

“ John what was that about?, I was sure Dave was going to go ballistic “

“ Just let him know, that I know , he was banging Rachel on the premises, if he tried to punish us, I'd let his wife know”

“ That's sneaky, underhand and downright dirty John, I'm so proud of you “ she grabbed him and gave him a deep meaningful kiss.

Dave walked past them down the corridor without comment.

 

“ Well was it as bad as you thought ?” John asked as he fastened his seatbelt.

“ No , a few giggles and winks but not as bad as I thought it would be.

“ Good”

“ I'm just going to Google what Elsie said earlier, okay ?”

“ Sure, I'll wait till you're done” he said smiling to himself.

“ Shergar, was a horse , strange “ she said tipping her head to the side like she did.

“ Went missing I think ?”

“Yes, and the other one was Annie Oakley “

“ Found it ?”

“ Gimme time John, okay a famous cowgirl , so what did Elsie mean then ?”

“ Press that link there “

“ That one ?”

“ Yes”

“ Cowgirl / reverse Cowgirl ? “

“ That's it “

“ John that's porn, you dirty pig , is this what you look at when I'm not in ?”

“ No, but look, that's what we got caught doing isn't it ?”

“ John I'm 36 and I never knew that's what that was called, I'm shocked “

“ Well Annie where to ?”

“ Head home Shergar , there's a few more links in here worth having a look at”

“ God almighty “ John said as she showed him the pictures on her phone. “ My poor back “

They were both laughing heartily as they drove off.


End file.
